What I have done when I was diagnosed.

I did not want to hold this reality in my mind and texted to some of my good friends as “unexpectedly, I was diagnosed Lung cancer stage 4, what should I do? Any advice? “ immediately and calmly they have responded to me with helpful information such as tel# I may want to call, name of the hospital I may want I research, questions I should I ask etc. It was a very right action. It helped me to meet my current oncologist. Also, my friends offered me a lot of help in different ways. Thank you all! It started with having a friend to meet the first oncologist. She asked me “I can come with you, if you like”. I never thought taking someone to meet dr. That was such a great idea so we can ask more questions and can well brainstorm later. Especially, English is my second language! Anyway, sharing what was going on immediately was right action at least to me. Thank you my friends!!!! You are saving me!



みんな、マジさんきゅ! まだしばらく生きられそう

#15 was extracted.

This #15 tooth infection brought me to chest X-ray and helped to find my lung cancer. She is finally out with expensive gold crown. Thank you.




Pulmonary appointment #2

Very first time in the my lung cancer project, we saw enlarged ct-scanned my lung images and he talked about them friendly and clearly. The biggest cancer tumor, was about an inch, on my right bottom and back of my lung and some smaller ones around my color bone and throat. And hundreds of small little white dots all over the both lungs, look like stars in the sky in Ohio. He said that my lung cancer looks very unusual. (Actually my very first pulmonary doctor in my neighborhood hospital diagnosed me as not cancer after a week hospitalization in earlier May. He said it did not look cancer to him. Hello?! ) There was a small darkest part and that was how healthy lung should look like.

Tagrisso could kill all cancer cells just when it stops working hidden small cancers usually come back. “IF” tagrisso works years on me, I could have a good chance to live longer, so that the way to cure lung cancer could exist( just not yet) since I am still young and strong, have a lot of energy, all other organs look very healthy at this point. Hope that happens to me.:)

He said to me that eat whatever I can and keep the body weight so my body can fight inside of me. Though I lost appetite for side effect of tagrisso, I am feeding myself and not loosing weight last weeks. Good job myself :)

Went to eat meat balls at IKEA, Brooklyn.

Went to eat meat balls at IKEA, Brooklyn.

肺専門医に、息子と2人で会って来た。テレビドラマで見る癌宣告場面みたいな、大きな胸部ct scanイメージ見て、初めて説明された。3cm位の腫瘍が右下後ろに1つ。後、1cm位のが鎖骨上リンパ、喉周りに有る。後は両肺中に夜空のピカピカの星みたいに100以上の小さいのが散りばめられてる。平常の健康な肺はこんな風に黒く見えるんですって言われた黒い部分は、横にほんのちょっとだけ。ステージ4の5年後の生存率5%以下って言うのが有るんだけど、私はどうかと聞いてみた。この数字には一切の治療も施せず亡くなる人、体力の落ちた高齢者も多く含まれる。一方で、私は既にタグリッソと言う新薬が使えている、若く体力が有る、他の内臓は今の時点では健康で有るので、新薬で数年生きれれば、その間に根治方法が見つかるかる可能性が有り(まだ無いけど)、長く生きられる可能性は大きいと。えっと、可能性は有るって事で :) 現実を見ながらも前向きにいくよ。

Pulmonary appointment

This is my first appointment to pulmonary doctor at the hospital where I see my oncologist, who is lung cancer specialist. It seems like very common to have oncologist snd lung doctor. I am very curious how this meeting will be different from oncologist. My son will come with me as he did all others.




Some of members who played together in the band, KureKure, at the art school in Tokyo sent me cool Japanese foods, I meant lots of different and new kinds for me who resides in NY for decades, some are very locals, love them all super thanks! This is the one I was attracted honestly in a second, Amanatto, dried sweet bean that is also from very local from Yamagata prefecture, where all my families are originally from. The drummer at the band, aka Darle, Who is now the president of the local construction company, Yoshida Kensetsu, in Yonezawa area, must be the one who picked this for me. Love you!

Lightly sweetened, cooked and dried red soy beans, Beni Daizu.

Lightly sweetened, cooked and dried red soy beans, Beni Daizu.


東京の美大時代4年間一緒にバンド「クレクレ」でプレイしたメンバー数人が、マジ良い感じの食料送ってくれたぁ。サンキュ! 勿体無いからケッチって食します:) 中でも、開封と同時に私の肺癌の胸にぎゅっと刺さったのが、山形の赤大豆甘納豆! 甘さ控え目で病気の私でもがんがんいける! ああ、嬉しい!私甘納豆大好き:) 今米沢で吉田建設社長やってる、ドラマーのダールのチョイスかと。サンキュ〜! ラブ ユー!

Chiharu is blooming.

I usually grow edible plants. Named this miniature rose, in apricot pink, as Chiharu. Chiharu/智陽 is name of my old friend who studied at the same art school in Tokyo and a great base player at the band, KureKure that we are in. We have not seen after art school time, reunited in FB long after, and I learned he was fighting over cancer. He passed away recently. I have learned that he was enjoying taking care of roses, in variety of colors of many kinds in his yard. I loved photos of Chiharu that he was wearing pink pajama, shirts or pants. I wanted to grow rose in my out of window farm and to name it Chiharu.  

Who knows me long and well surprised as I grow inedible plant. I wanted to spend good amount of time to find a nice pink color I like and remind of him from it. It is so wired and funny but  I did not know I would be diagnosed as cancer then.  


智陽/ちはるが咲いた。窓際有機農業始めて20年以上、食用ばかり育てて来た。私を良く知る友人は、花、それも薔薇?って、私らしくない植物に驚いた。私だってそう思うからね。東京の美大時代、一緒のバンド「クレクレ」で4年間ベースを弾いてた智陽。最近fbで再会した時は、もう体調悪そうで、ピンクのパジャマで病室でギター弾いてた。ピンクのシャツ着て、ピンクのパンツでライブ出たり。ピンクの智陽似合ってて良いなと思った。こないだ癌で死んでしまったけど。その後智陽が庭で色んな種類の薔薇を大切に育ててた事が分かり、私も薔薇を育ててみようかなと思ったんだ。智陽って名前をつけてね。あ、直ぐ枯らしちゃうかも。。。とは思ったけど、ま、それはそれで良い。と、お気楽に。仕事でNYC中出掛ける中、花屋見かける度にミニチュアローズ探して、でもまだシーズン早過ぎで。なかなか気に入る私の智陽色が見つからず。ハーレム125街で店頭横で発見。$15。悪くない! この時、私は自分が肺癌と診断されるとは思っていなかった。あはは。 リスが敵だけど、取り敢えず再開花。嬉しい。気張らず、お気楽に智陽を育てていくよ。

Thank you, Siobhan.

The school year ended. I had nearly $2000 of receipts to be reimbursed by the organization I work for.  I was hoping to save time and energy to go to the post office and stand a long line addition to the postage fee.  

I e-mailed Siobhan who works at the office of the organization and resides my neighborhood. Will you be able to bring my envelope of receipts to the office if I drop it off to your place?  She responded immediately as “I always go for a morning run on Saturdays so I could swing by.”  Thanks a lot, Siobhan!


 今年の3学期がは大波乱だった。5月の急な1週間の入院中は、蓄積してた疲労回復には役に立ったけど、退院後3週間経つ迄、癌である事は否定されてた訳で。「畜生ヤブ肺専門医!お前なんか医者じゃねー 」 3学期の仕事をどうにか完了し、立て替えた材料費のレシートは$2000近く。やっと腰上げまとめて請求書をe-mail. 後は大きな封筒一杯の現物レシートをブルックリンのオフィス迄どう送るか。暑い中、郵便局まで歩いて、長いラインに並ばされて、郵送料金払うのも避けたく。


Dr. Shu, my doctor.

Dr.Shu and her team at Columbia University Medical Center said that I can eat anything without restriction unless it is  so unhealthy diet. My friend Maarika said you eat healthier than 99% of Americans anyway.  These words made me alive! Love you guys!  Thank you so much!! I love eating. I always enjoy eating. I’ve always loved cooking since I was small kid. Since I started hear don’t eat this and that from surrounded people, my stress level immediately elevated. I do not have a full time chef. I am the one going to the grocery shopping and cook. I am sick already, in stage 4, I don’t even feel like going to grocery shopping after teaching classes as a teaching artist in NYC public schools, last two months of the school year. I have been exhausted physically and mentally. 

at the Columbia Uni. Medical Center.

at the Columbia Uni. Medical Center.


Meeting new PCP today.

I needed to change my PCP. I love my oncologist team at Columbia medical Center a lot. Because my PCP is in different net work, takes extra waiting time to get  referral that is required to see new doctors each time from my insurance company. As a result, it cause over 2weeks of delays for me to start treating my lung cancer stage 4!  PCP who takes my insurance in Columbia network should save time! Today, I will ask to choose a lung doctor for me and make referral for a nutritionist for my consultation, which originally requested over 2weeks ago and my old network was so slow to process that made me mad! Don’t you want me to get better?!  今日、新しいPCPに会います。PCPとは、何か健康に気になる時に、先ず会う医者で、必要に応じて、専門医を紹介してくれる。

今回、肺癌と診断されて、初めの1週間は、感傷的になる暇も無く(1月経った今もまだ)、とにかく何か知ってそうな友人にテキスト/e-mail を書いた。「何をしたらいい?」って。健康が取り柄だったので、出産と年次健康診断しか病院に行ったこと無かったので。大きな苦難を乗り越え(!)95%諦めていたセカンドオピニオンが実現し、結局それが私の選んだコロンビア大学病院肺癌専門医だ。


が、私が普段健康診断に行くPCPとネットワークが違うため、直ぐ飲みたいタグリッソの処方箋出来るのに待たされ、肺専門医、栄養士、生活療法師に至っては、私の肺癌専門医と繋がりのない人材しか選べない?! 少なくとも、今回コロンビアでの経験は、色んな意味で、今まで私が受けていた医療より質が格段に上質な事が分かったので、コロンビア内で私の医療スタッフを固めようと決めた。一度コロンビアに入ると、自分が外から受けるNY特有のストレスが大きく減るのです。人材が優秀で、患者の為に動いてくれ、事がスムーズに進むので。もう既に肺癌ステージ4で、十分病気なので、外からのストレスは出来るだけ減らしたい! これ以上私を病気にしないで!!と言うわけで、PCPを私の肺癌専門医ネットワークから探そうと! ま、一度マジで電話口で泣いた程、一悶着はあったけれど、どうにかシステム上は、無駄な待ち時間無しに行けるのでは無いかと思ってる。 病気に対して、前向きに戦う意思大有りです。


Fermented beets drink

A friend of mine from Poland and survivor of breast cancer recommended me to drink a cup every day, fermented beets with parsnip, horseradish, garlic, dark bread in salty water for several days. Actually, I am excited to make soup with remaining after strained. 



1day after

Selfie against to my lung cancer stage4.

I’ve taken selfies in restroom for a while. Naming it as “selfie against to my lung cancer stage 4”.  トイレセルフィー気に入って暫く撮って来てますが、最近診断された私自身の肺癌に因んで、「セルフィー:肺癌ステージ4に逆らう」(日本語タイトルイマイチかな。。。)と命名。


liked this with facial expression and hair, long bathroom tissue hanging down from dispenser and leak stain on the ceiling.

at the fried chicken place in Flatbush, brooklyn. June 20, 2019. Right before the last class teaching this year. Happy summer.



Treatment started

Over a month and 2 weeks, since unexpected hospitalization from ER, finally medical treatment has started today. June 20th, 2019. It was my last day of teaching this year and first day of my medical treatment. 緊急入院から1月半。やっと、治療開始。6月20日、2019年。くしくも、今年の教える仕事最終日が、治療初日になった。


Meeting nutritionist

Very first time experience in my 56 years of life. The nutritionist who works oncology department said that not to lose more weight. She said that add 1or 2 nutritious snacks addition to three meals a day. Use whole milk, add silken tohu, peanut butter or avocado into smoothie since each of my meal is getting smaller and as a result I have lost several pounds last one month. My sense of taste seems like changed since taking tagrisso. I feel too sweet of what I used to enjoy such as bottle of kombucha or ice cream. Rather enjoying blended frozen mango and home made unsweetened yogurt and milk :)

With Susan Gonzalez at Columbia Uni. Medical Center/NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.

With Susan Gonzalez at Columbia Uni. Medical Center/NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.



So look, it is 8:30pm. I do not feel hungry at all though my last meal was breakfast this morning. This is the one of side effects of tagrisso. My sick is only in lung and my stomach is just fine. If I feed myself, I know I can eat pretty well. So I usually feed myself three times a day according to the time schedule not for my appetite, just I did not today because I felt like lazy. Then I noticed that I am not feeling hungry but need to feed something otherwise I would loose weight and get weaker to fight over my fucking lung cancer. Ok, it is my dinner time !


さてさて、夜8時半。朝御飯しか食べてないのに空腹感無し。タグリッソの副作用。食べる事が大好きなそれ以前の私には考えられない事だ。だから最近は、時計を見ながら1日3食詰め込む様にしている。病気は肺だけなので、口にさえ入れてしまえば問題無く食べられるからね。今迄やっていた様に、食欲に沿って食べるとテキメンに体重が減っちゃうので、肺癌と戦う余力を減らす事になってしまうっつーわけで、空腹感じないけど、何か作ろう。こういう時は、友人が日本から送ってくれたフリーズドライの湯を掛けたら美味しいものが出来るあれを食べよう^ - ^ Thank you guys!

First scan after 6 weeks of Tagrisso.

Meeting with oncologist with result of CTscan after 6 weeks of taking tagrisso, some are resolved and most of them decreased!Will get scanne’s every 2-3 month to see. Now I need to think if I could return to teach from September at the NYC Public schools. I may want to try a few days a week.

Who left the bread here?

Who left the bread here?

タグリッソ飲んで6週間、初ct scanの結果、癌細胞、劇的に縮小。次のスキャン2ヶ月後。その後小康状態になったら3ヶ月毎に。効きが悪くなったら(増え出したら)、別の薬に変えたり、化学療法にしたり、コイツの息の根完璧に止められる方法が見つかるまで、なだめながら共存していくって感じ。こっちの息の根止められる前にね!9月から、学校で教える仕事に戻るか。週2位でやってみようかとも思うが、余り自信が無い。体がついて来るか。

Was feeling good today.

As I wrote before, my oncologist told me that I should eat anything I feel like eating. Just try not to lose weight anymore. To me, it was a perfect words, simple and doable, and done. First 1month, I lost 8 lb instantly right after taking tagrisso since loosing appetite, and 2nd month by now, started to gain my weight, well, getting appetite back. I found that when I had cold green tea, I feel better and like working a few hours. This morning, I definitely felt well and had a cup of cold green tea then walked to farmers market in my neighborhood about 7 minutes from my apt. Got some fresh vegetables in my cart. 2weeks ago, when I went there, I started to feel sick while waiting for a long line to pay under strong sun light, needed to rest on a bench on the way back home. It was cooler this morning and left home a little later since it seems more crowded right after opening the market in the morning. Becoming sick myself, appreciate having such a local farmers market, as small as 2tents, near by home. It motivates me to walk to. I also purchased freshly baked croissants at Moroccan French bakery on the way back home for lunch:) Thank you for my appetite!

Sometimes, a friend of mine delivers to me freshly squeezed beets juice from JacksonHts. Thank you, Romina :)  息子の学校クラスメイトだった子のお母さんが、私の病気を気遣って、たまに搾りたてビーツジュースを、家まで持ってきてくれます。ロミーナ、有難う。

Sometimes, a friend of mine delivers to me freshly squeezed beets juice from JacksonHts. Thank you, Romina :) 息子の学校クラスメイトだった子のお母さんが、私の病気を気遣って、たまに搾りたてビーツジュースを、家まで持ってきてくれます。ロミーナ、有難う。

「周りからあれ食べろ、これ食べるなとか言われるかも知れないけれど、食べたいと思うもの何でも食べていいよ。体重だけこれ以上減らさない様に気を付ければ良いから」と言う、私の癌専門医の言葉で気持ちが大いに晴れた私は、タグリッソ飲んで初めの一月で一気に4kg体重が減ったけれど、今2ヶ月目で体重増え始めた。最近は、空腹が感じられる様になり、「今日はアレが食べたい!」って言う、私が本来持つ強い食への執着が戻って来た:) 私にとってこれはでかい! 大きな生きる原動力。最近は冷たい緑茶を飲むと体調が良い気がしてる。今朝は、起きた時点で体調が良く、ピンと閃いた「昨晩の残り牛丼の卵綴じ」をばっと作り、きゅうりキムチ乗せて、冷たい緑茶でパワー朝食。徒歩7分のファーマーズマーケットで新鮮な野菜を買って来た。2週間前は、日差しが強かった事も有り、支払いの長い待ち時間で気分が悪くなり、途中で近くのベンチに座って休憩する必要が有ったのだけれど。今日は涼しかったし、朝開店直後は混んでいそうなので、今日は少しゆっくり出掛けて混んでいなかったのが良かったかな。テント2個分の小さなマーケットだけど、地元の徒歩圏に有るのは有難い。特に体調崩してる身としては、散歩がてらに気楽に行けるのが嬉しい。11月末迄の毎週土曜日。帰り途中には、モロッコフレンチベーカリーで焼き立てクロワッサンを買って、ランチに。食欲って大切だなぁと、失った経験から実感。食欲に感謝:)